A Funeral Reading for Difficult People
A non-religious funeral reading for people who were profoundly withdrawn and/or difficult to love.
Tradition dictates that funeral readings are positive and uplifting affairs; the poems and proses shared online almost inevitably speak of a loved one that contributed in positive ways, that engaged with the world through inspiring actions, and that spread joy, laughter, and hope.
So, how do you farewell someone who wasn’t all sparkles and sunshine, without turning to inauthentic and inappropriate platitudes? What can you say about someone who was withdrawn, difficult and/or hard to love?
Below is a reading I recently wrote for a more difficult loved one. I share it in hopes that others may find it valuable in times of complicated grief and remembrance. Please feel free to copy, amend, and use as you need:
This is the time that tradition says we must stand and sing your praises,
Share tales of achievements and weep at the fond memories.
But what good are these pleasantries and platitudes
When they are written for someone we didn’t know;
When they speak of a potential that was never fully realised.
Not in this lifetime.
A life worth speaking of is not always one of inspiration and success.
There is dignity in the struggle of being human.
There is unfathomable strength in rising to endure each day
When those days are not steeped in hope and promise
But in despair, loneliness, and pain.
And there is authentic beauty in a life
That is tangled, complicated and confronting.
So no, we will not patronise you
With artificial words of joy, laughter and connection.
We will not render you invisible
So that we may be socially acceptable and painfully pleasant.
Instead, we will stand here, in the space you allowed for us.
We will honour you for the man you were able to be.
We will dignify you and the life that you had the capacity to live.
And we will shed tears for the many ways you touched our lives
In raw, real, joyful, painful, and complicated ways.
Son, brother, uncle, cousin, friend.
Humanly vulnerable, and perfectly imperfect.
Life battered you, and bruised you, and beckoned you on,
And formed you into the man we must now farewell.
We ask you to pass peacefully to the heavens above.
And know that, through it all, you have been loved.
Kim Forrester is a mother, nature lover, global traveller, holistic well-being advocate and kindness enthusiast. As an award-winning author, educator and consultant, she combines cutting edge science with spiritual philosophy to inspire holistic well-being and fullness of living. Check out Kim’s podcast,Eudaemonia, to learn more about how to flourish in life.
